Foreword
These pages were written when I was young and unshielded, standing in the raw center of a fault line I couldn’t name. What I wrote then was not poetry and not prayer, but an instinctive roundelay — the mind calling back and forth across its own fracture.
For years I avoided revisiting it. But returning now, I see something different:
not the pain, but the architecture.
Not the break, but the hinge.
Not the vulnerability, but the beginning of integration.
This writing is a record of that moment — when the first inner threshold took shape, long before I had the language to understand it.
I share it now in that spirit: as a witness to the structure that was forming, and to the person I was becoming.
What do you do when life turns on you
You save only a few
And a few more will follow to
You save only a few
And a few more will follow to
You and I are like candy.
'
Who live to see randy
And never doubt the few
Of us that love you
And will always be true.
We see what we want to see
And hear what we want to hear
Will you come with me to stay
Or will you lay?
We are all caught up in a game
Where neither side has much to offer
So why don't you join me
And we will play for today,
And see things through for another day
You wait for me and I'll wait for you
And we'll follow each other out of this zoo
You hear me wait until you see me.
And we'll all get through
Amen Amen Amen
------------------
We are not here to fight but for reasons unknown
We love and hate
Our whole lives through
We negotiate and debate
And never settle on the date
We take time to plan things out
And never talk it out
We live life beneath ourselves
Like we are under a spell,
We leave out what is best
And spell out the rest
We take time to fight and never take time to bite
We believe ourselves when we take time to bite..
Will you never show us when and how to come through
For it is you we all want to come through
Will you take the time to tell us the plan for us
Or will you show us how to rust?
Sweet Jesus sister, you put us through hell
While you dattle and rest a spell
Why must I push and prod just to get you to nod?
You are restless as can be, yet you delay the mystery
Please answer me you sweet deity.
---------------------------------------------------------
It takes time, to learn the language of the mind
Please spare me the littleness
When all I have to give is by walking through hell frozen over
So tell me no lies, and I will give you no lies
Will you see how hard this is for me
Because I am the tool that digs out this mystery
And what do you think you are, but the hand that wields me
In general I can be kind but I never unwind.
My mind spins and whirls and twirls for your love to find
But what do I see but hate my enemy
You see I am no longer lost but I am found
So why don't you stop clowning around
And together we are the key to this mystery
Why don't you say goodbye to your piece of the pie
And leave me to rust and to die
You see tomorrow I will fail,
And cast out a bail,
Because my hay loft is empty until you squeeze me
Then I see what is inside of me
What do you think I have been doing all these years,
But waiting for you to come and take me
Because you see I am no longer free,
But I am tied down by the hand that wrung me,
So get off your high horse and see me,
Because only you can see inside of me
Amen
--------------------------------------------------
Come on out and we will play
Forever and together a roundelay
We will never speak to each other of hate
Only passionate debate.
So why don't you stop and see me
Without ever taking away
All of your sweet energy
And we'll see how big you can be to me,
Leave me be and I'll leave you
And this fight will never be through
However out standish you might seem
I know all the right buttons to push,
So together we will solve this mystery
Hold you hand in mine, what a sweet line!
and together we will go back to your home,
And we'll roam through all your hallways,
Nooks, and crannies and everything
Because I see why you need shelter
And I will not let anyone pelt her,
Sweetheart I'm the glue that holds you together
So why don't we go down together?
I don't know how to say this but
You and me together are we
And separate I no longer want to be
So tell me how I can get you to come to me
--------------------------------------------------
We together make three sweetheart
What do you think god was trying to say
So please end this long delay
You hold the lock to my heart sweetheart.
Believe me if I could, I would
But I know no other way but to let things lay
And your so overactive it kills to lay
So please leave me be and come to me.
And Know exactly where I am so scram
Because the time is getting late and I don't have a date
How do you know it was me, that pulled out the key
From what I see you can no longer see,
So ask the one who has the key
And then you and me can explore this mystery
Will you run for shelter when they pelt her
Or will you die to help her?
You see for me to be
We must no longer be apart
For as of late I am stuck
And I need a jump-start,
So please give me your spark
And we will pull everything apart.
Where do you end and I begin
You can be smart when you are with me,
Just as long as you don't pull out the key.
Do I seem like a mystery?
Everything I've been taught.
Do you see all those books laying around?
The things I have read have helped me make this bed
All I did was lay down. While you clowned around.
So you see you are not smarter than me, maybe a bit
While I have the larger brain power,
You have larger wit
You see I'm not egotistical at all,
But you have enough for both of us.
It takes her to find her soul to give you a go
Because she is me and I am her and
Together we make our own mystery.
So what must I do to get you to
Come down to the ground?
I go underground
So you can't see her,
And then you won't leave her
But while I'm here in the cold dark
You can't make me spark
So what must I do to please you?
I've already frozen over hell for you
Must I come get you too?
A women's job is never done.
So will you please come out and have some fun?
Because I no longer need you to be me
I only want to find out this mystery
So please take this bus and pack a lunch
For this tour has many sights I have found,
And many that, will come unwound
And in all these sights you will find me,
To help you understand who I am.
And then you will find that I am.
And no other
For we are all I am.
And what you find in another
And your brother,
And your cousin.